I came across an interesting quote the other day, one that I shared with you if you joined me for class this past Sunday. It’s a quote I’ve read countless times before, but when I read it this time, it hit me different. With a bit more clarity. It was like I got “it.” Ever have one of those ah-ha! moments?
This was the quote:
“Life isn’t about finding yourself.
It’s about creating yourself.”
How many of you have tried to “find” yourself? How many of you have attempted to figure out your life by asking countless questions? How many of you are still trying to find yourself or figure it all out? Yeah…me too.
I have spent so many years trying to find myself. I tried finding myself in my Eating Disorder and thought if I got to a certain number or looked a certain way, then surely I’d be happy–I’d have a life I loved. I tried finding myself in my relationships–all kinds–from friendships to boyfriends to having a husband. Sure, I am a wife and a mother (to an almost 5 year old…I know! I can’t believe it either! It seems like yesterday Johnny was born); but by becoming those things did I find who I AM? Does that establish my identity? Or, despite the fact that I am married with an almost 5 year old, can I be gay–can I only be realizing that now? I even tried finding myself through spiritual literature, hoping every book I read from Rumi to Gabrielle Bernstein would lead me to my self-discovery and to who I AM.
And, you know what? I never found myself.
I spent so many years trying to find myself and so many years asking questions, rather than creating myself, creating the life I want to live. And, let me put out the disclaimer: there is NOTHING wrong with self-inquiry. The problem arises when we seek to find the answers or ourselves in the very questions we ask. If all we do is ask, we can search all we want but will not find the answer. We can ask all we want, but unless we clear on what IT is we want and what it is we are searching for, we’ll never have THAT thing. Put it this way, if all we have are questions, then when we reach the finish line, that is also what will be awaiting us. Without a clear vision at the finish line, you’ll be on an endless quest for “finding.”
It wasn’t until I read that quote, “Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself,” that I understood I haven’t been clear on what I was searching for. I’ve spent so much time asking questions, hoping the answers will find me, hoping life will be created for me, my dream handed to me. I’ve been running a race I haven’t designed. Yes, I can design my race. So can YOU. Did you know that? We can design the course simply by envisioning the finish line with precision and clarity. By having a mental picture of what we want, we also design the course. By choosing to be THAT person right now–the one holding and living the vision–we also choose to become that person tomorrow. This isn’t to say we can design a path without challenges because we will surely find them; but it is to say that our clarity will enable us to understand we are capable to take on our challenges, that we are stronger for having faced them; that simply by being ready to “fail,” we muster on with the determination to succeed for what’s at our finish lines.
I don’t have exact clarity on my finish line yet. But I’m willing to release the need to “find” myself. I’m willing to “create” myself. I’m willing to start visioneering. Are YOU? Will YOU dare to dream with me? Will you dare to believe that you can create yourself and the life you wish to live today? Life isn’t about finding yourself…it is about creating yourself and the moment you dare to dream, dare to take a risk, you will find your success and your finish line.
Don’t try to find yourself. BE yourself. Be the person you want to be. Start being that person today FOR tomorrow. Don’t wait for the life you want to love; LIVE the life you love. Live that life, act the part right now.